Knowing how to talk to women might just be the single most important skill a man can learn.
Not every man is born with the gift of the gab. It takes practice to know how to approach a woman, and engage her in stimulating conversation.
In this article, I'm giving you my surefire conversation tips to help you navigate that all-important first conversation!
In this article, I'll explain how to:
- Compliment her
- Tell a joke
- Find common ground
- Notice the details
- Invoke pop culture
- Ask about her favorite show/movies
- Ask about her passions
- Avoid mansplaining
- Don't talk about your ex
- Pay Attention To Her
- Ask to be introduced
- Never fear the mundane
- Scan the room
- Approach her from the right direction
- Use the right conversation angle
#1 Compliment Her!
So, how to talk to women?
Well starting off a date with a great compliment immediately makes you seem kind, attentive and considerate. It can lead to a great conversation and set up a whole evening for success.
You might be tempted to start a conversation by complimenting a woman’s physical appearance (“You have such beautiful eyes,” “I love your smile,”). A more effective approach is complimenting something related to her personality.
If she’s a colleague who just gave a great presentation in a meeting, compliment her on her confidence and public speaking skills. If she’s carrying a book you’ve read before, compliment her on her taste in literature.
Take things one step further by praising personal qualities instead of acquired talents. In other words, complimenting a woman’s skill at networking shows your appreciation for her business acumen.
Tell a woman you admire her intrinsic kindness though and you show your appreciation for who she is as a person.
#2 Tell A Joke
This might be the easiest way to break the ice.
According to Dawn Maslar, author of Men Chase, Women Choose: The Neuroscience of Meeting, Dating, Losing Your Mind, and Finding True Love, laughter “releases oxytocin, the ‘bonding hormone.’” A goofy pick-up line or a cheesy joke can be a great way to create a comfortable, lighthearted atmosphere for the rest of the conversation.
Landing a joke at the beginning of a conversation lets your date know right from the get-go that you have a great sense of humor. If you establish yourself as a funny guy at the onset of a conversation, you have a much higher chance of seeming attractive to your conversational partner!
Just steer clear of jokes that are overtly political, vulgar or crass. Those kinds of jokes might go over well with your friends, but they’re not the greatest way to make a good first impression on a stranger or casual acquaintance.
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#3 Find Common Ground
A really easy strategy for knowing how to talk to women is using what you have in common as a springboard. One of the simplest ways to do this is to use the setting of the conversation to your advantage.
Behavioral investigator and Science of People founder Vanessa Van Edwards notes that this tip “can be modified to any kind of event.” For example, if you’re approaching a beautiful woman at a party, you could ask her, “How do you know the host?” That way, you can establish that you both have at least one person in common, and the conversation can progress from there.
If you’re at a work event, Van Edwards recommends tweaking the question to “How long have you been a part of this organization?” No matter what situation you’re in, beginning with the settings or people you have in common can help create a solid foundation for the rest of the conversation.
#4 Notice Details
A woman’s clothing can be a great jumping-off point for a conversation. If she’s wearing a shirt or hat with a sports logo, you can ask her if she’s a fan of that team.
The same applies for clothing with movie and TV references or unique accessories like eccentric jewelry, shoes, or a quirky purse. Asking about those accessories can also be a great way to break the ice.
Complimenting a cool or quirky outfit shows you’re attentive in a sophisticated and attentive way, not creepy or lecherous.
#5 Invoke Pop Culture
If you feel you have no confidence to talk to a girl then bringing up current pop culture is an easy way to kick things off. Comment or joke about something she’s probably familiar with.
Recent streaming service shows, pop music and reality TV shenanigans are all safe bets. Just remember to keep it lighthearted — avoid politics, and don't bring up a pop culture event you feel negatively about.
If you hated the most recent season of Game of Thrones then don't bring it up until you know your date a little better. Starting things off a conversation on a sour note will cast a negative shadow over the rest of your conversation.
Just think, it would be super awkward if you say you hated a movie or show and find out she actually loved it.
#6 Ask About Her Favorite Movie or TV Show
This conversation starter is tangentially related to the pop culture tip, but it’s more specific. Practically everyone loves movies or has a favorite Netflix series.
When it comes to talking to women, start by sharing your personal favorite and then ask her about hers. “Lately I have been addicted to Money Heist – do you have a favorite Netflix series?” A woman’s favorite movie or series says a lot about her. It can hint at whether or not you two have compatible interests.
If you two end up arranging to see a movie or binge-watch a series on a second or third date, you’ll already have an idea of what shows she might like!
#7 Ask About Her Passions
The idea of carrying a conversation all by yourself probably feels intimidating if you're shy or introverted. An easy, subtle way to shift the focus of the conversation to your partner is to ask her what she’s passionate about.
You don't have to straight-up ask her “What are your passions?” Try asking her what she likes to do in her free time instead.
Start off by sharing something you like to do, and then ask her to pipe in. For example: “You know, I’ve been trying to learn Spanish lately. A friend of mine showed me a really cool app called Duolingo, it’s way more fun than 8th grade Spanish! What do you like to do in your free time?”
Knowing their talents and interests also gives you a great opportunity to compliment a woman without mentioning their appearance. It's a classy move and immediately separates you from other men.
#8 Avoid Mansplaining
What woman doesn't love a whip-smart man? Talking to a woman knowledgeably and articulately makes you very attractive in a first conversation.
There's a critical caveat though — acting too knowledgeable can be a turnoff. You may have heard of the term ‘mansplaining'. It essentially describes a situation where a man grossly underestimates a woman’s intelligence by explaining things she clearly already knows.
The solution? Career and personal coach Marty Nemko, Ph.D. says you can “mitigate the risk of seeming hubristic by keeping your comments brief and perhaps by softening the impact, for example, by ending with, ‘Just a thought. What do you think?”
Doing this gives your date or partner the opportunity to share her expertise and offer her opinions. You're not making her feel steamrolled by your knowledge.
#9 Don't Talk About Your Ex
Especially if you’re on a first date, bringing up past relationships is an instant conversation killer. It sounds obvious but you’d be surprised how easy it is to accidentally mention exes.
Remember that your date isn't your psychiatrist. Don't unload your emotional baggage on her.
When you bring up your most recent ex, no matter what your motive, your date is going to decide you’re more interested in your ex than her.
How to talk to women? Even if your last relationship ended on a sour note, try to focus on the potential for a new and happier relationship. Don't give in to the temptation to dig up old beef.
#10 Pay Attention
Sending the first message to a woman you've met online can feel incredibly daunting – even if you’ve matched with each other. Even after you shoot your best shot, the woman can often leave you hanging and never bother to reply.
Increase your chances of starting a real conversation by taking the time to check out her photos and bio. See if you share a similar hobby, taste in music or favorite hangout spot.
Be more attractive to women by showing you're attentive and observant. It's as easy as starting a conversation using something you saw on her profile. It tells her you’re not sending the same message to every single woman you match with.
#11 Ask To Be Introduced
If you see an interesting woman at a mutual friend’s party, ask your mutual friend to tell you a few things about her then ask your friend to introduce the two of you.
Use the tidbits of information you get beforehand to start a natural conversation: “So I hear you like skiing, what’s your favorite resort?” or “You’re a Florida State grad? Did you ever get tired of all the sunshine?”
#12 Don't Be Afraid Of The Mundane
Make talking to a woman much easier by leveraging your immediate surroundings. It's something you both have in common.
Bringing up seemingly mundane topics like a band or special drinks menu is a good conversation starter with a girl.
When talking to women, say something positive followed by a question like:
- “This is such a cool wine bar, have you been here before?”
- “Any recommendations?”
- “I remember when this was just a parking lot, they really turned it around, I love the atmosphere!”
- “Have you tried any of their appetizers? I’m having a tough time deciding, they all look so good!”
#13 Scan The Room
Before you even talk with a woman, you want to watch how she enters the room.
Does she come in and go straight to your table or does she pause and look around? What is going unsaid is she's either giving you 100% of her focus or she's looking over other men.
Use this to get a sense of where she sees your relationship. If she is not giving you 100% of her attention, take things slow but make sure she knows you are interested in her.
#14 Approach Her From The Right Direction
If you take anything from this article it should be to never approach a woman from behind. This can be scary and is the worst thing you can do when approaching.
The best way to approach a woman is actually from the side or the front. If you approach from the front though, move to her side afterward. Standing directly in front comes off as aggressive. Talking to her from an angle is going to be your best bet.
#15 Use The Right Conversation Angle
Imagine you’re talking to a woman at an angle. She’s leaning over, she’s speaking with you. Focus on having a normal conversation. While you're talking, the goal of the conversation should be to have her start facing you – for her to choose to actually have that face-to-face interaction and create romantic chemistry.
Ask yourself where her feet are pointed. If her torso is facing you but her feet are pointed in a different direction, it could be that she wants to get out of here. Pay attention to this and give her the opportunity if need be to leave.
BONUS TIP: Talk To Women Intimately
Let me end this by talking about intimate space and touching. What is normal personal space? Imagine stretching your arms out. This is your personal, intimate space. My wife and kids are allowed to enter this space and I’m usually expecting a hug when they get this close to me.
So, if you enter a woman's intimate space and she doesn’t reciprocate by touching you – or if she backs up – that's a bad sign. She's signaling you’ve moved too quickly and you need to (maybe literally!) step back, respect her boundaries.
Now how to talk to women and the size of intimate spaces changes from culture to culture. Many people in Hong Kong think it’s okay to talk closely to each other. If you're in central US where I’m from though, people give each other plenty of space.
What about touching? A woman touching your elbow, back, shoulders, all of these are great indicators.
We all feel much closer to people that we have actually touched. This is why I advocate guys wearing textured clothes like cashmere sweaters and tweed sports jackets. People naturally want to reach out and touch it!
Knowing how to talk to women can seem tough. You might be afraid of rejection or coming off the wrong way. Talking to women isn't rocket science though.
It comes down to confidence and practice. Remember, the worse she can do is say no.
Click below to watch the video – 10 Ways To Start A Conversation With A Beautiful Woman