How can a man talk smoothly?
“Antonio, how might one go about talking like he's dressed well? How does one sound classy?
What kinds of things should we make an effort to do and what should we avoid? What should stay entirely naturally?”
6 Tips on How to Speak with Confidence
Six tips that will help you if you're looking to improve the way you speak more clearly and more concisely. Come off as a naturally great speaker.
There's no way around this. If you look back at my earlier videos, I don't think I spoke nearly as clearly as I do now. I've taken a break from shooting videos. I'm kind of nervous in front of the camera, but the only way to get rid of that is to practice.
You look at the best athletes. Look at the best surgeons. They don't just go in to a surgery and make it happen after reading books, no. They walk through this mentally.
I remember reading about one gentleman. He had some type of setup in which he could go in and he knew exactly where to put his scalpel and he knew all the crevices that should be in probably a little bit more detail than you want to know.
In any case, all of these professionals practice. Treat it as such, respect it, and practice and prepare.
Listen twice as much as you speak, and this is really important if you're in with a group. You're at a networking event, but I think it's very important and I don't look at it as trying to take from others, but actually finding what you can give to others.
The best way to discover that is to listen. Listen to what other people have to say so that you understand where they're coming from.
3. Ask Questions
The other thing is if you listen, you can ask good questions. This is counted as speaking and talking with others, but what you're doing is you're really asking them to speak more. People love it when you show an interest in them.
Think about anyone that you really like. Oftentimes, these are people that will spend time with you on the phone, listening to your problems, to your life.
One of the things that I probably get in trouble with my wife for quite a bit is I'm a bad listener. I admit this and I've really tried to do better, but it's one of those things that maybe men in general, many of us are bad listeners.
One of the best ways we can improve the relationships with our wives is to simply listen to them because they want to talk.
4. Think before you speak
Think before you speak. You probably know people like this who they just start talking and then they'll say, “Oh, I didn't even think about that,” or, “Things just roll out of my mouth before I start to think.”
Maybe if you're in a creative environment and somebody's capturing this information and this is how you brainstorm.
When you're around people, you don't want to be saying things before you think because what you're going to find is that once you say something, it's kind of like shooting an arrow.
Once you throw it out there, you can't take it back especially if you say something mean or hurtful and it doesn't come across right.
5. Read outside of your expertise
Many of us have an area that we focus in on life. For me, men's style and clothing and things like that, but many of you may not know, I love nanotechnology and molecular engineering.
I also spent a number of years in the Marine Corps. I still read up about World War II and World War I and all the different battles. For me, that stuff is just very interesting.
I also try to expand my mind. I'm getting really big in the nutrition and health. I just read a great book by Gary Taubes. I believe it's “Why We Get Fat”. It just blew my mind.
Any time you can read out something that in a sense expands your mind, that's going to make you a better speaker because your brain starts to try to process that information and you're actually looking for an opportunity to ask people their opinion so you're asking a question, but you've got some good points.
Don't think that watching television, or maybe if you're watching the History Channel or one of those science channels, but don't think that the daily news is going to give you good talking points.
The daily news, it's not there to educate us. It's there to sell clicks or to sell papers or to keep our attention. That's why they use all those shock tactics. Instead, read good old fashion books. Get a Kindle. That's a great tool.
6. Be Sincere
The last thing I'm going to say is to be sincere and to really understand the person you're speaking with, whether it's a group, whether it's just one other person.
They're a human being just like you and they have the same feelings. Have a deep sense of empathy.
I've said this in one of my other videos, I know you're on the other side of the camera and there's a human being there.
Realize that all of us go through the same obstacles in life. We have the same troubles. It doesn't matter if you're rich. It doesn't matter if you're poor.
We face many of the same problems. And understanding that, it'll give you better confidence and it'll also make it so that when you're talking with somebody, when you're listening with somebody, you really form a deep connection because you actually do care.
“The best way to save face is to keep the lower half shut.” Geoffrey actually talks about the same point I did, which is listen and don't talk as much.
“Don't try to seem classy or suave, and listen with care or thought. Good social skills are much less what you're going to say and knowing when not to say anything. Wait for your moments.” – George
MrModernGentleman, he actually gives a great story about when he went up to speak with a beautiful woman and how he got basically tongue-tied. He froze and he almost had to go sit down because he almost blacked out, but he ended up getting the number because he followed up with her. I love stories like that, but it basically says you've got to put yourself in the fire.
Think about it, guys, if you want to heat up an iron, you don't put it on the other side of the room. You go and you stick that iron right in the fire and it turns red hot. So realize that if you want to improve, again, you've got to practice, number one.
“The best advice I could give is watch as many James Bond movies as possible.” – Kimblej
Well, there's some advice. I don't know if that's the best advice. Maybe watch all those James Bond movies and follow my six points as well.
“Pay attention, ask appropriate questions. I think that showing interest is one of the classiest things that you can do in a conversation.” -rmcbrown
Now, if you want to learn more about men's style, not so much about the speaking, but if you want to learn more about men's style, I've got a free 47-page e-book which I linked to right down below.
You're also going to be put on my newsletter and twice a week, I put out solid content about men's style and I would love to see you on it.