Have you ever started talking with a beautiful woman and felt…
…well, she's not interested in you.
I know, what a blow to the ego.
What was it that turned her off?
I mean – when you made eye contact across the room she smiled at you.
Was it something you said?
Was it your breath? 🙂
Maybe she was smiling at someone else?
Gents, sparking a great conversation isn't always easy BUT the right techniques can make it easier.
Today I'm sharing my top ten simple but powerful tips to create chemistry with women. Check them out below!
#1 Ask Emotion-Triggering Questions
Gents, ask women questions. Sounds simple but many guys forget this in the heat of the moment.
You don't just want to ask any question either…you want a great one that could kick off a whole evening of discussion.
Focus on emotions. Why? Women value emotional intelligence.
A 2017 study published in behavioral and social science journal SAGE Open found women have more emotional self-awareness than men.
To overcome this, you need need to make a deliberate effort to tap into her emotions.
Asking questions is an important part of this.
Imagine you are on a date:
The woman sitting opposite you mentions that she's a nurse. Don't make a nice (but flat) comment on how she must have done a lot of training for that.
Ask her how she felt after all the training was completed.
The problem is, it's difficult to come up with questions on the spot so prepare some in advance. Have a few questions in your back pocket ready to go.
Here are some conversation starter questions in case you're stuck:
- What is something about you I'd never guess in a million years?
- If you could go back in time, when would you travel to?
- What's one thing in your life you could never give up?
- When was the last time you tried something new?
- What is the most exciting thing you've done this week?
- What's one thing your parents don't know about you?
- What’s the most impulsive thing you’ve ever done?
Today's article is sponsored by Roman. They offer straightforward, simple and discreet Erectile Dysfunction treatment.
With Roman there are no awkward waiting rooms. Get full online access to licensed US healthcare professionals who can prescribe real medication.
Click here to discover Roman with a FREE online visit and if approved get $15 off your first order of ED treatment plus FREE two-day shipping.
#2 Throw An Axe With Her
Notice I said to throw an axe with her….not at her 🙂
Gents – what I'm talking about here is going outside your comfort zone. Choose excitement!
Most men choose sedate activities for dates like going to a cinema. Is that the best situation to create a powerful bond between you and the girl you are with? No.
Leverage the power of ‘excitation transfer’: the process where the heart pumps faster from exercise or a little stress but the brain assumes the feeling comes from the person you're with. Not the exercise.
Just bear in mind that what is exhilarating for an adrenaline junkie might nearly traumatize someone else. Use what you know about a woman to make a judgment call. Here a few examples of dates with different levels of excitement:
- Expert-level trivia night at a bar
- Trying exotic food
- Going for a scenic drive in your car/on your motorbike
- Watching a horror movie
- Riding go-karts
- Meeting for a gym workout or run
- Rock climbing
#3 Flirt With OTHER Women
This might sound counterintuitive but bear with me. This is known as the cheerleader effect.
People perceive groups as being more attractive than the sum of their individuals. You will look more attractive by associating with other attractive people.
One thing we as guys often forget is chemistry doesn’t begin when we first talk to a woman. Chemistry begins when she notices you on the other side of a room. So why not make the best first impression?
Signal that you are comfortable being in the presence of women:
- Stand up straight.
- Smile and laugh!
- Use open body language.
- Exude energy and enthusiasm.
A woman you approach will have noticed that you are popular with other women. You have proven you are someone she should get to know if she wants to have as much fun as the group you are with. Chemistry is already there between the two of you.
By the way, don't stop doing this once you are dating someone! OK so maybe don't ask out the mixologist in a cocktail bar while you are on a date. I don't need to tell you that, right?
There's nothing wrong with charming others, building rapport and creating a fun atmosphere though. Other people getting along well with you and enjoying your company sends strong positive signs to women. How to do this?
- Tell a mixologist how much you loved a cocktail they made you – where did they learn how to make it?
- When you arrive at a venue with your friends head straight into the middle of the room. You are standing where people naturally gravitate towards.
- Later in the day, move around a venue every so often. Speak to different people so you appear more dynamic and build more relationships.
#4 Skip The Formalities
In days gone by, meeting new people was often a formal occasion that began with introductions. You worked your way up from small talk to ‘big topics' and your interests.
If you want to create chemistry then don't get caught up in all this nonsense. An hour of small talk discussing weather won't create that all-important spark.
Find out what cult classic films you both like. This is a much more interesting conversation that a woman will have years of opinions to draw from.
This will stimulate the production of oxytocin (also known as the ‘cuddling chemical’) in the woman you are with. It creates feelings of warmth, affection and desire for closeness. Now that's chemistry.
Everyone has different interests but here are a few potential topics you could explore:
- What is your favorite Disney film villain?
- A book you both read in school.
- Are the two of you cat or dog people?
- The city both of you want to see on vacation.
- An album you both love listening to.
#5 Tease Her
OK now here we have a high-risk, high-reward strategy for creating chemistry.
Build a little tension by gently picking on the woman you like. Challenge her a little. This stirs emotions, fosters a feeling of closeness and creates a back-and-forth conversation.
The trick is doing it respectfully, gently and with a smile on your face.
I often talk about the science of style so here's an equation I find helpful to think of:
PLAYFULNESS + CHALLENGE + CONFIDENCE = CHEMISTRY
How to pull this off in real life? Here are some examples:
- Give her a silly nickname.
- Challenge her to do a nerdier dance move than you.
- Stereotype her – “Uh oh, a lawyer? I’d better be careful what I say!”
- Tell her you wouldn’t get along – “You are such bad news, I don’t know if we can hang out.”
- Jokingly disagree with something she said – “I love getting a strict French waiter, they put me in my place.”
There's a ‘push and pull' element that's important to these techniques. When you ‘push' a woman away with an embarrassing nickname you need to ‘pull' her back in again by letting her know you're joking. You promise you won't call her Giggles or whatever nickname you made up for the rest of your lives…or will you?
#6 Mimic Her Movements
Subconsciously signal that you are both on the same wavelength. If she expresses herself with her hands, you can make similar gestures when you speak.
The words we say are just a small part of how we interact. Body language and facial expressions are many times MORE important than our words. Don't forget this when you are trying to build chemistry.
Doing the opposite of someone's body language signals that you might not be into them. Don't send mixed signals with confusing body language.
The trick is to subtly emulate what a woman does. Mimicking every move will come off as creepy.
Want some examples of female attraction in body language to look for and mimic?
- Move closer to her if she moves closer to you.
- Is she giving you a small grin or a full smile? Match her level of enthusiasm.
- See how often she nods her head while listening to you speak. Do the same back to her when she talks and makes points on topics.
- Match the frequency and size of hand movements. If the woman you are talking to is expressive then do your best to match her energy.
- If she leans in or crosses her legs then do the same.
- Order the same drink or food as her. This can be a good conversation starter as well.
#7 Take Risks
You might think that chemistry comes from a woman seeing you as a gentleman who is cool, calm and collected. Someone who is always in control.
The truth is, chemistry comes from making a genuine connection. Women want to know the real you, and that includes you being a guy that occasionally makes a mistake.
What does this mean in practice? To fast-track a connection with a girl you need to take some risks.
If you love Asian cuisine then try the new Korean BBQ restaurant in town. It doesn't matter if the food gets a little messy. Don't be afraid your singing voice isn't good enough for the karaoke date I mentioned earlier.
All of this takes a little courage so I'm sharing six actionable tips to increase your confidence as a man right here. Here are some risks I challenge you to take:
- Eat food you've never had before.
- Do an activity that makes you short of breath.
- Introduce yourself to a group of people you haven't spoken to before at an event.
- Learn a new skill.
- Do two or more activities back-to-back on a date.
#8 Flirt With Your Eyes
Knowing how to flirt with women using eye contact is one of the most powerful weapons in a man's arsenal. There is a knack to using it successfully though.
Nobody likes a lingering, creepy stare. Discretion is the better part of valor when it comes to creating chemistry.
Every so often during a date, just look into her eyes slightly more intensely and longer than you normally would.
What you want is short but repeated eye contact. Let a pause in conversation linger just for one or two seconds. Enjoy taking in her beautiful eyes.
After the eye contact just continue the date as you normally would until the next authentic pause happens. That's all there is to it, gents!
OK I make it sound so simple meanwhile you're thinking “This is easier said than done, Antonio!” I admit this requires a little practice BUT the power you will wield once you're the master of making smoldering eye contact is well worth it.
#9 Show Vulnerability
When you think of manly men that always get the girl who comes to mind first: James Bond, Iron Man, Arnold Schwarzenegger in any number of films?
This personality type might work in movies but in the real world you need to show some vulnerability.
Share your real personality with women. Not just the bits you think are the most macho or attractive.
An easy way of doing this is admitting you’re slightly nervous about going on a date with someone. It shows you are honest. You care. The woman you are talking to is probably nervous to go on a date too so you’re creating an instant connection.
Think about it from a woman's perspective. It would be more worrying if you weren't nervous because it means you don't care!
Similarly, if you play Dungeons and Dragons at the weekend it's better to invite your dream woman to try it with you instead of hiding it. Don't pretend you're ‘too cool' for that kind of thing…only for her to find out later. What else?
- If you don't know the answer to a question she has for you then just admit it.
- Don't pretend that you're too manly for a romantic film if that's what you really love.
- Share as much as you feel comfortable about your past – sharing embarrassing anecdotes could be what connects the two of you!
#10 Get Her Excited About The Future (With YOU!)
I'm not saying to buy those theatre tickets and book that restaurant table right this second.
What should you be doing? Building a feeling of chemistry and romance in a woman's mind by telling her all the places you can't wait to take her.
There are no guarantees when it comes to attraction. But, the girl you are getting to know is much more likely to form a bond with you when she is being painted a picture of myriad romantic possibilities. She can start to imagine you two in a love story in her head.
If you know your local area it should be easy to say “I know a great restaurant/bar/park we can check out”. You can choose where you want to take her. If you are new to the area then a little research will have a big payoff here.
Contrast this approach in your head with not mentioning any dates or plans to her. You are forcing her to consider whether she likes you and wants to keep seeing you every step of the way. You're almost pushing her to decide that there is no chemistry.
We have already mentioned the obvious date locations like restaurants so here a few more interesting examples to get her excited:
- Do the most tourist-y thing in your area neither of you have done.
- Try seeing a new play that has just started performing in town.
- Watch the sunrise from a local hill or mountain.
Use your intuition to gauge which of these tips are most appropriate to a given situation. A combination of these is sure to help create that spark between you and the woman of your dreams. Let's quickly sum up:
- Ask Emotion-Triggering Questions
- Throw An Axe With Her
- Flirt With OTHER Women
- Skip The Formalities
- Tease Her
- Mimic Her Movements
- Take Risks
- Flirt With Your Eyes
- Show Vulnerability
- Get Her Excited About The Future (With YOU!)
Click below to watch – 7 Weird Ways To Create Instant Chemistry With Women