I get it –
You want to use style to attract women.
You're checking out all the men's style blogs…
What are you hearing?
Become a pickup artist. Improve your game.
Here's the deal – games do NOT work.
What does? Read on and you'll find out.
Yes – I’ve read ‘The Game'. I’ve read quite a few books on attraction… most of them degree-level textbooks. Before I joined the Marines I studied evolutionary biology, psychology, and the origins of behavior.
And yes – games sometimes work – if all you want is a one-night stand or a quick fling. But if you fall into the trap of playing mind games with people, you're going to begin to sacrifice your ability to sustain a real relationship.
When you're faced with a crisis in life – and you will be – you'll want a great woman by your side to support you. Under that kind of pressure, a relationship based on games will boil away to nothing and you'll be left with someone you don't know, trust, or want.
So what does work? How do you build a relationship with a woman? Read on to find out.
How do you build relationships – with a woman, with your friends and family, or with anyone in this world? It starts with expressing yourself and being able to communicate with them honestly, openly, and often.
#1. Communicate Honestly
When you can tell someone how you truly feel – that you love them, that you're upset with them, whatever's on your mind – it's an incredibly powerful thing.
Honesty means having the courage to lay it all out.
It gives the people close to you a sense of security because they know where they stand with you and frees you up from the anxiety of feeling like you have to read each others' minds. But first you have to commit to not holding things in.
#2. Communicate Openly
Openness means you can talk with a person when you need to talk with them.
In a relationship, you're looking for someone that you can be your authentic self with, and know they'll be their authentic self in response.
For many of us it can be very difficult for us to express ourselves. But if you're willing to keep words and expression flowing between you, it will get easier, and your openness will pay off.
#3. Communicate Often
Communicating often is where most of us fall down. Sure you told your wife you loved her when you married her five years ago, or your girlfriend when you started in the relationship a year ago. Guys – you’ve gotta make it a habit.
I try to tell my kids and my wife how much I care about them every day. It feels weird when a day goes by that I don’t tell my wife that I love her.
This habit of free expression opens you up for heartache, and for really falling hard. But love is a reflection of what you give to the person you're in the relationship with.
If you're not prepared to give, you'll never feel the full depth of what love can be.
Life is short – it's impossible to know how much time any of us will have with the people we care about. Don't miss out because you're afraid to wear your heart on your sleeve.
At this point we can agree that games are not the way. You need to be able to be genuine and communicate how you feel. But how do you get started? That is the million-dollar question.
When you find the woman who's worth it, here's how you can let her know:
#1. Simple Notes
Give her a well-written classic card. Hide it in the car so that she finds it – she'll be crying in the parking lot because you had the guts to lay out how you really feel in writing.
I’ve got stickers hidden throughout my house that I put up years ago – they simply read ‘Tony loves Lena’.
I put them strategically in cupboards and in areas where she would just happen to find them as she’s going about the house day to day, and she absolutely loves them. They've been up for years and they're starting to fade, but even after the initial surprise has passed it’s a constant reminder of how much she means to me.
A classic gesture like this has a lasting impact. You'll see reward for it that night, sure, but even weeks and months later she'll be dazzled over it.
#2. Physical Contact
I know what you guys are thinking… but right now I’m talking about very simple physical contact that you can give any time and almost anywhere. Something as simple as running your hand through her hair is enough to make some women melt.
My wife gets headaches and she absolutely loves a head massage. All I have to do is come up behind her and give her a 10 minute massage and it means so much to her.
Everyone has their favorite simple touches – find out your girlfriend's and you'll have an easy way to make her feel special whenever you want.
Maybe you’re having a disagreement and you just reach over and put your hand on her hand. It lets her know, ‘Hey – I know we’re having a tough time right now, but you mean a lot to me – and we’re going to find a way to make this work.’
Human beings need touch. It's one of the most classic ways we connect with each other. People have different levels of comfort with it, but as you build trust in a new relationship, you'll discover what works – pay attention.
#3. Get Creative With the Phone
I like to have a picture of my wife and my kids as a screensaver. As I navigate around and see the different photos, it’s a constant reminder of what’s important.
But as far as actually calling your wife or girlfriend: you speak to her daily, so why not start to have fun? Send her a text. Send her pictures.
If you normally just send text and pictures, try breaking it up by calling. Just say, ‘Hey, I wanted to talk with you. I just wanted to let you know that you mean a lot to me.’ She may be wondering, ‘Oh my gosh, what’s going on, why are you doing this?’ And you'll be able to say, ‘No reason. I just simply want you to know that I love you, that I care about you.’
Technology gives us immediate access to the most important people in our lives – so make sure to use it to communicate.
My aunt just went deaf, and I can tell you that text and sending pictures is so important to her. She's someone who has supported me so much and I'm so grateful to be able to have this option to keep our connection going.
What I'm saying is: don't underestimate any one particular communication option. Mix it up. It will make staying in touch – not only with your significant other but with your family or whoever is closest to you – so much easier and more fulfilling.
#4. Classic Gifts
Don’t be afraid to give gifts for no reason. I love to buy my wife flowers for absolutely no reason, first of all because she loves them and even if they only last a few days they brighten up our home.
But it's also a way of building up chits. Nobody's perfect – I forget an anniversary every so often just like anybody else. But when I'm going out of my way to make her feel special even when it's not a special day, my wife knows that I didn't forget because I don't care – which is the real reason those little forgotten dates turn into big arguments for some people.
If you're regularly reassuring her that she's a priority in your life through little gestures, the inevitable bumps that any long-term relationship runs into are easier to ride out.
Every person has certain things that they really enjoy but maybe won't treat themselves to because they feel it's too impractical or expensive. The way to start giving really meaningful gifts is to be observant of what those things are for your significant other.
My wife isn’t usually a big fan of jewelry, but there was a time we were traveling and she saw this classic necklace that she really loved – but she didn’t want to spend the money. Later on that night I told her I had to go run a quick errand, and I ran across town and purchased the piece that she wanted. I gave it to her at the end of the trip and she couldn’t believe that I remembered and went out of my way.
It's things like that that are just going to blow her away because they show that you've thought about what would really mean something to her as an individual.
#5. Make Her The Priority
This one’s going to be tough. I know it’s really tough for me. But if your woman’s the priority, you need to make time for her – and that means scheduling time. I know it doesn’t sound sexy, but if you keep showing up late because you had to spend extra time with a client, she’s not going to feel like #1 in your life.
This is a classic trap we all fall into, especially success-driven guys – we start to treat those that mean the most to us with the least regard when it comes to their time.
You’ve got to nip that in the bud. You’ve got to say, ‘Hey, this person is worth me flying across the country to spend time with.’ This is your life, and this is someone who’s incredibly important to you AND your life.
When you show someone that they are important to you, you always run the risk of being disappointed. But if you show the strength and maturity it takes to withstand the risk, the potential reward is so much greater.
I was in a long distance relationship with my wife for some time. We would go eleven months out of the year without being able to see each other in person. But I felt that we had a real connection, and I knew that no matter what happened, she was someone I could count on to be by my side for it.
When you can have an honest relationship, all of a sudden the games start to feel like child's play. At that point, it’s about you communicating strongly with another human being – and that is what will give you a relationship you can depend on for a lifetime.