What The Father Of The Bride Should Wear & Other Wedding Participants
Thereโs a half-playful saying that โweddings unite couples and end friendships.โ The reality is that being in a wedding party can be a stressful โ and expensive โ experience.
You want to do your best for your friend, but you also have to be mindful of your own limits, both of money and of patience. Gents, this is why I have created the ultimate groomsmen attire guide. Plus, I'm covering what to wear if you are the father of the bride or another important wedding guest.

The experience can vary quite a bit depending on how tightly run the wedding is, but as a groomsman or usher or similar wedding participant, you can usually expect to have three basic clothing goals:
- Match the wedding party as closely as requested
- Be recognizable as an official participant instead of a regular guest
- Get all your details right
I'm also going to cover how to dress as the father of the bride (or groom) because this is a special case.
Groomsmen Attire Guide: Match the Wedding Party
Weddings will vary widely and this will affect the specifics of the groomsmen attire guide for each one. Some will have identical outfits for all the groomsmen (usually either given as gifts or available at a specific rental store), while others will simply request a color scheme or general level of formality.
Happily, your job is simple: follow the directions youโre given. If they want everyone in black and white, wear black and white and leave theย colored pocket squaresย at home. If they want everyone in the same godawful tuxedos with Hawaiian-printย waistcoatsย from Bobโs House OโTuxes, wear one with a smile.
The only time this really gets contentious is if money is involved, and if that truly is an issue thereโs nothing you can do about it but talk privately to the groom. Explain that youโd love to stand up for him but you donโt have the requested outfit and canโt afford it in your current situation. Heโll either figure out a way to help with the cost, change the look of the party around, or โ worst-case scenario โ find someone to take your place.
Most of the time it isnโt an issue โ men with particularly extravagant requests tend to make either the clothes themselves or the rental fee a gift. So unless money is an issue, just follow the instructions youโre given, and err on the side of conservative clothes if there are any ambiguities.
A relatively modern twist that can be more challenging is a man whoโs invited to stand up for a bride. Youโre not likely to fit in the pre-planned bridesmaidsโ dresses if there are any, and it might raise some eyebrows if you tried, so youโll need to talk with the bride (or her wardrobe planner) about what alternativeโs sheโd like.
In most cases, you usually end up in aย suit or sports jacketย of the same color as the bridesmaidโs dresses, or simply wearing what the groomsmen are wearing.
Groomsmen Attire Guide: Be a Visible Part of the Wedding

A big part of the reason that grooms have specific outfits for their wedding parties is so that people can tell whoโs officially helping out and whoโs just a guest.
How to achieve that will vary a lot based on the โlookโ of the wedding. In some cases a specific color ofย pocket squareย orย boutonniereย will do the trick; in others youโll be stuck with a โHello, my name isโฆโ nametag and some Sharpie.
The goal here is twofold: so that guests know who to go to with questions (not that youโll necessarily be able to help, but it will give them some hope of finding the person with the actual answers), and so that the wedding planners and families of the bride and groom know whoโs officially helping them and whoโs just being a busybody.
It sounds a little silly, but once youโve got two families and two guest lists, with a total number upwards of 50 even at a small wedding, having at least some sort of uniformity in your look as part of the groomโs party is a big deal.
Groomsmen Attire Guide: Get Your Details Right
If someone else prepared the outfits this is usually done for you. If youโre wearing your own clothing though, you need to make sure theyโre properly cared for. Have everything cleaned and pressed, and get anyย leather dress shoesย properly shined.
Looking particularly sharp around the edges is a good way to fulfill your other basic requirements โ standing out from the male guests and looking like all the other groomsmen. Itโs also just polite.
Take the time to think about the details you can tidy up. Get a haircut, trim your nails (or have them done professionally). If you know how to shave with a single-blade razor or you have a local barbershop offering a classic, straight-razor shave then you should spring for it.
Itโs a little gesture. But, it's one that goes a long way toward making you the groomsman everyone wants to have in his party.
How To Dress As The Father Of The Bride (Or Groom)

The happiest man in the room at a wedding โ in theory โ is the groom. But the parents might just be theย proudest.
Itโs not always the biological parents filling that role, of course. Sometimes the closest parent figure is an aunt or uncle, a set of grandparents, an older brother. It's even just a good friend or mentor in some cases.
Regardless of the relation, thereโs often a man who has special reason to feel proud of the bride or groom. This โfather of the brideโ figure (for all intents and purposes) gets to dress a little more uniquely if he wants so forget about the standard wedding attire for men guide. Itโs not a requirement, but the fathers of the couple traditionally dress to stand out:
- Outfits slightly higher up the wedding dress code than other guests.
- High-quality clothing or small luxury accents.
- A โdignifiedโ look.
Dress Above The Dress Code
How this plays out depends on the wedding. Itโs quite typical for the father of the bride (or groom) to show up slightly over-dressed.
Itโs usually only a subtle upgrade โ wearing a fineย tuxedoย at a โblack tie optionalโ wedding, for example. Maybe a darkย suitย instead of a more casual one.
Often, this results in the groom and the fathers being at roughly the same level of dress. Itโs not uncommon for fathers-in-law, particularly, to want to upstage their new son-in-law just a bit. Not enough to seem rude though, of course. Just enough to make sure heโs respectful.
Be confident but restrained if you choose to go this route. Wearing a tuxedo when the men around you are wearing dark suits is fine. Wearing a tuxedo to a backyard potluck is probably not. And be sure to avoid anything bright or gaudy that draws attention by being ostentatiously out of place. The goal is to be startlingly well-attired upon close inspection, not visible from halfway across the room.
Wear High-Quality Clothing

An ideal way for a father of the bride or groom to stand out is simply by wearing the highest quality of clothes available in the desired dress code. Aย tailored fitย is a good starting place. Nothing looks as good as a man in theย perfectly proportioned clothingย that bespoke tailoring gets you, no matter what the level of formality.
If suits are the outfit of choice, for example, have one tailored. Invest in rich, dark wool. Pair with a thickย silk tie.ย Wear a cream-colored shirt ofย heavy cottonย rather than a thin, plain white one. And so on โ do what all the other male guests are expected to do, or something just a touch nicer than it, but do itย better.
Small, tasteful accents with a hint of luxury to them are acceptable for the paterfamilias. A plain gold watch chain in a vest pocket, for example, would not be out of place. Nor would a luxury watch (so long as the design is not too ostentatious), or similarย menโs jewelry.
These arenโt items to flaunt โ and never to mention aloud. They are worn to show everyone that the elder gentleman is comfortable. He approves of the dayโs celebration. Think of it as a small, tasteful stamp of approval for the soon-to-be in-laws.
Adopt A Dignified Style
Unless the family arrangement is very odd indeed, the man filling the โfather of the brideโ or โfather of the groomโ role is usually a generation or so older than the wedding couple. Dress like it!
Accepted styles for older men are different to what the rest of us can get away with. An older gentleman is “allowed” to wear the most classic and dignified styles and look perfectly at home. It looks much more natural on them than a younger man.
Your options vary depending on the dress code. But here are a few examples of styles that are generally considered dignified. This is particularly true when worn by a gentleman with a little silver in his hair:
Velvet jackets
From a midnight blue tuxedo jacket on down to a colored sports jacket, soft velvet looks best on an older man. That doesnโt stop younger men from doing it as well, of course. Theyโre uncommon enough though that youโre sure to stand out in one. Avoid, however, matched velvet suits โ no one should be wearing velvet pants no matter what their age.
Double-breasted suits
A man's double-breasted suit is the last word in elegance at the dress or business-dress level of formality. Plain, dark charcoal or navy looks good, as do the same colors with very restrained white pinstriping.

Three-piece suits
A good alternative to double-breasted, with an added advantage โ if people start removing their jackets after the ceremony, which often happens when the dancing starts, you can do the same and still look more dignified than most men around you thanks to the vest. Just make sure theย waistcoat is properly fitted. It should completely cover the waist of your shirt, overlapping with the trousers.
Navy blazers
If itโs a true casual wedding, with most people in shirtsleeves or sports jackets at the most, knowing how to wear a navy blazer is probably your best way to stay dignified without being so formal youโre out of place.
Other blazer colors can work as well. The green blazer with brass buttons is about as traditionally east-cost upper-middle-class as an older gentleman can get, for example. Gray wools slacks or khakis are usually the best pairings for a blazer.
These are just a couple of examples. However you choose to execute it, the goal is simply to look a bit more refined than the younger men at the party. Keep it all tidy and understated, but of the highest quality โ as befits a man whoโs there to celebrate a family success.
Want to know more about what a man should wear to a wedding? Click here to discover my ultimate guide to wedding attire for men.