Should Men Always Pay For The First Date? | Dinner And Date Etiquette

It's the BEST first date ever.

Your jokes crack her up…

Your stories make her smile…

There's clearly a spark.

But right when she says “I had a great time”

…the check arrives.

Cue in the big, much-debated question:

Should YOU pay for everything?

This wouldn't have been an issue 20 years ago
(I would know!)

But now it's a clash of views.

Really?

Yep – take it directly from the responses of modern women nowadays.

Keep reading to find out more…

“Should men cover all expenses during a first date?” That's the question 20,000 individuals were asked in a recent survey. And the results were pretty balanced:

10% said YES (the guy made the plans, he should do it to impress her, etc.)
10% said NO (it's not his obligation, he can't “buy” a woman's interest, etc.)
80% were UNCERTAIN (it depends on the situation)

Well… that doesn't make the whole thing any less complicated, does it? But people don't think the same way. Women particularly think differently (whether it's about the expectation, the morals, or even the social aspect) regarding who pays on the first date.

.Here's What I Think…

The debates can go on. But if you were to ask me personally – I'd say stick to these 3 rules:

1. Always Pay For The First Date

My views are pretty conservative (that's how I was raised. And I honestly don't see it as acting like you're “above” your date or downgrading her.

I see the act itself as a sign of respecting her for the time spent with you, showing gratitude, and being a true gentleman. Nothing more.

2. If You Asked For The Date, You Pay For It

Although there are exceptions, the invitation is typically a man's role. So you're the “host” while the woman is your “guest” – and any host must be hospitable.

If you're not comfortable spending in a nice restaurant, remember that there's always the park, the museum, a hiking trail, and even dancing. She's there to get to know you – not to just show up and eat!

Laughter and good conversation make a successful first date. And guess what? They're both FREE. You can save the expensive dates for when you've really gotten to know each other.

3. Handle The Payment Situation “Playfully”

Do it in a creative, indirect way. This is no time to inflate your ego and become hell-bent on paying. That's what ruffles the feathers of feminists or women who take pride in their independence.

This is when you use your wit, your sense of humor – to make your date partially agree with you. Like saying “How about you get drinks at the bar?” would make a good compromise if she pushes for 50-50. The less serious you make her feel about it, the better.

But if you'd like to pay for the whole thing – here's a “sneaky” strategy worth trying:

1. Towards the end of your meal (before it's time for the check), bring it up that you'd like to pay for everything.

2. She might turn you down and prefer to split. That's when you try as much insisting as you can without acting pushy.

Make sure it really comes off that you've enjoyed the date and you're doing it to thank her (which should be the case anyway). Maybe that'll do the trick.

3. If she hasn't given in, pretend that you're totally okay with it.

Tell her that with a smile – because there's still Plan B in the back of your mind.

4. Drink a glass of water or whatever beverage you're having. Wait a few minutes before excusing yourself and heading to the bathroom. Make sure you're not acting jumpy or hesitant.

5. When you've left the table, look back and check that your date isn't looking at your direction. Then quietly approach your server and give your card. Explain that you'd like to pay right now.

6. Let the rest unfold and hope for the best!

You can't predict how your date will react to that sly move. At the very least, she'll take comfort in the fact that she did offer to pay. Her sense of “doing the right thing” stays intact.

If she appears disgruntled, be gentle about it and keep smiling. Promise it's only this time around. And reassure her that you're expecting nothing in return (NOT even sex).

But at best? She'll see it as an attractive gesture – which means you've genuinely impressed her! You've ended the first date on a high. So you can probably expect a second 😉