Most people think they're decent negotiators. They're not.
And that gap — between how good people think they are and how effective they actually are — is your opportunity.
By investing just a little time in learning proven negotiation techniques, you can save money, save time, and get more of what you actually want out of every deal, conversation, and agreement you enter.
This isn't theory. The techniques below are grounded in research from Harvard, Stanford, and the University of Texas — schools where very serious people have spent decades studying what actually works at the negotiating table.
Here are 7 ways to become a better negotiator — starting today.
| # | Principle | What It Means In Practice |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Most people are bad at this | A small investment in skill pays outsized dividends |
| 2 | Know yourself | Define your BATNA before you walk in |
| 3 | Know the other party | Understand their wants, needs, and alternatives |
| 4 | Understand the situation | Is this one-shot or an ongoing relationship? |
| 5 | Make the first offer | Set the anchor when you're prepared |
| 6 | Respect fairness | Violate it and logic walks out the door |
| 7 | Expand the pie | Look for more issues, more parties, more value |
1. Most People Are Ineffective Negotiators
Here's something that should give you immediate motivation: the bar is low.
Most people walk into negotiations without preparation, without a clear position, and without any real technique. I see this constantly in men's style — as soon as a guy starts dressing just a bit better than average, he stands out dramatically. The same principle applies in negotiation.
The moment you start applying proven tactics — even just reading one solid book on the subject — you elevate yourself above most of the people you'll ever negotiate with. That's not arrogance. That's leverage.
2. Know Yourself — Especially Your BATNA
Before you walk into any negotiation, you need to know your BATNA: Best Alternative To A Negotiated Agreement.
This is the line you won't go below. It's the point at which walking away is better than any deal on the table.
Have you ever agreed to something and then, an hour later, thought: “Why did I do that?” That happens when you don't have a defined BATNA going in. You made an emotional decision in the heat of the moment instead of a principled one.
Also watch out for focal points — emotional anchors that make you laser-focus on one variable and miss everything else. Salary negotiations are a classic example. When you're being hired, your leverage is at its peak — but most men only negotiate the number. They forget about remote work flexibility, vacation time, travel requirements, and contract terms. All of those have real value.
3. Know The Other Party
One of the best negotiations I ever made was when I bought my house in Wisconsin.
Everyone else was pushing the seller down on price. I took a different approach: I actually listened to her. I found out she was a distressed seller who had recently gone through a divorce and had reunited with a college boyfriend. She just wanted to move to Milwaukee and start over. She didn't want to haul furniture, appliances, or a piano.
So instead of fighting over price, I asked her to include the piano (worth $1,000–$3,000), the furniture, and the appliances. She was thrilled. I got a fully furnished house and she got a clean, fast exit. That's what happens when you understand the other person's wants, needs, and alternatives — not just your own.
4. Understand The Situation
Not all negotiations are the same. Ask yourself: is this a one-shot deal, or an ongoing relationship?
When I negotiated my studio space, I watched the owner's asking price drift down over about a year before I made an offer. But I was careful not to go too low — I had to write that man a check every single month. If I squeezed him, I'd be dealing with an resentful landlord for years. Getting the “best” price at the cost of a good relationship wasn't worth it.
Also consider: is this a negotiation of necessity (both parties need a deal) or opportunity (either side can walk away)? The stakes and your leverage are completely different in each case.
5. Make The First Offer — If You're Prepared
Whoever makes the first offer sets the anchor — and anchoring is one of the most powerful forces in negotiation psychology.
Think about a car dealership that puts a $200,000 Ferrari right at the entrance. By the time you're looking at a $20,000 Ford, it feels cheap by comparison. That's deliberate. The anchor has been set.
When you're prepared — when you know yourself, know the other party, and understand the situation — make the first offer. A well-placed, specific first offer sets the frame for everything that follows.
If they make the first offer and it's insultingly low? Re-anchor immediately. Come back fast and decisively with a number that resets the entire conversation back toward your BATNA. You've lost some ground, but a confident counter can reclaim it.
6. Understand The Power Of Fairness
Here's a fascinating result from behavioral economics research: when given the chance to split a dollar, most people choose 50/50 even when they could legally take more.
More importantly — when someone splits it 70/30 or worse, the other person will often reject the deal entirely, even though getting 30 cents is better than getting zero. Why? Because fairness has been violated. Logic exits the building.
This matters enormously in real negotiations. If the other party feels you're taking advantage of them, they will torpedo the deal on principle — even at their own expense. Know where your counterpart's perception of fairness sits, and don't cross that line carelessly.
7. Expand The Pie
Most people walk into negotiations assuming the pie is fixed — that every dollar you gain is a dollar they lose. That's almost never entirely true.
By building trust, sharing information, and identifying multiple issues at play, you can often create more value for everyone — not just divide what's already there.
Look at multi-team NBA trades: three or four teams, players and contracts moving in every direction, and everyone walks away satisfied. That only happens because someone expanded the conversation beyond “what do we two want?” to “what could all of us build together?”
My house story is another example. By listening — by asking what else mattered to her besides price — I turned a competitive negotiation into a creative one. We both won bigger.
Whenever you negotiate, ask yourself: are there other issues, parties, or creative options that could make this pie bigger before we start dividing it?
Quick Summary
- Most people are ineffective negotiators — the bar is lower than you think
- Know yourself — define your BATNA and watch for focal points
- Know the other party — their wants, needs, and alternatives matter as much as yours
- Understand the situation — one-shot deal or ongoing relationship?
- Make the first offer — set the anchor when you're prepared
- Respect fairness — violate it and you lose the deal on emotion alone
- Expand the pie — look for win-win before you start dividing
Negotiation is a skill — like dressing well, like public speaking. You can learn it, practice it, and get dramatically better. Start with one of these principles in your next conversation and see what changes.
Want to develop sharper skills alongside men who take self-improvement seriously? Join the RMRS Skool community — where we go beyond style into the full picture of what makes a man effective. Click here to join us.
Click the link below to watch the video — 7 Ways To Be A Better Negotiator
